Hollywood Pitch .

This is my new book out in September . It explains my creativity and why I wrote each and every one of my books.

I am very excited about this book .

What does not kill you makes you stronger .

Dreams do come true if you hang in there long enough . It can be a long process but the rewards can be well worth it .

Little did I know the challenges planet earth would put on my shoulders as I grew into a man . But I hung on very tight and I will continue to hang on tight until my time comes to an end living on planet earth .

Please would you all purchase my books in paper back form from Amazon .

Ready to serve my Queen . Here I am aged 3 in july 1981 at the street party for the Royal wedding of Princess Diana and Prince Charles .

You need to calm down right Taylor Swift . Absolutely love this song well done .

When this life is over .

You have to be able to know that when this life is over you'll have lived the truth you're comfortable with  .

 

Actress Charlize Theron . 

Remember who you are .

Remember who you are and what you represent .

 

Actress Louise Fletcher . 

 

Based on the V.C Andrew's bestseller . Flowers in the Attic is a shocking tale of greed , depravation , and cruelty . A tale of a family's desire to survive following the tragic death of the father . Where the only option for the mother is to take her four children to her family home where a bizarre and disturbing future awaits them . Flowers in the attic will leave you stunned .... Picture above Actress Louise Fletcher as the cruel and evil grandmother in 1987 flowers in the attic .

My Own Mortality .

I am getting older and as I age I see my family dying around me It's natural we all age and we all die . One day I will be on my death bed myself . I am not afraid of death as it will be my freedom from planet earth . Although I do fear the after life .

I look at my family on their death beds and it makes me think how in the end of our lives we are just a body lying there with all our spirit and functions taken from us . 

All that worry and stress and fear of being Judged because of who we are to end up life less on our death beds . We cannot help how we feel as human beings in a too often cruel world . But death makes us think how in the end we are nothing but a body waiting for death to take us . 

Life is not fare but then some might argue neither is death . 

 

We mean't to make a good movie , we mean't to make a horror movie but I had no Idea it would have been that good or that scary . 

 

Actress Ellen Burstyn . 

Every Mother's worst nightmare . Ellen Burstyn looks on helpless as her daughter undergoes an Exorcism to free her soul from the devil himself .

Anxiety OCD Link . 

Being hard on yourself and always feeling responsible could lead to anxiety such as constantly checking if the door is locked . People who do have such personality traits can go on to seriously worry and have negative thoughts such as believing their doors are not locked after checking their doors about 1000 times before they are comfortable leaving their homes . 

Dolores Cannon  .

I love what dolores cannon has to say about the After life that we leave our costume 

( our body ) and we get to watch the life we have lived from birth to death and the way

we have treated people which can be painful to watch . It's kind of a Karma for us for our

lives to come back and we have to watch the hurt we can give out to other people . We

then  get re born into a costume of our choice where we once again get to live a life that

we have chosen to live as and study . Personally I feel I have lived the life I have for a

reason and the challenges I have faced .  

 

Today I visited my family home located in a very close community in a cul - de - sac . Most of the old community has now died and a new generation has moved in most of them I do not know . But today I came across three gay people whom you could see were gay in my little family cul -de - sac . You would never have seen this back in the nineties . Happy 5oth Birthday to the Stonewall Riots we know you are looking down on us .

Respect .

Even with the most deeply held differences treating the other person with respect and as a fellow human being is always a good first step towards greater understanding .

Fear : A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger , evil , pain etc . Whether the threat is real or imagined ; the feeling or condition of being afraid .

One must speak the truth about the past or not at all . It's very hard to reminisce and it's worth doing only in the name of truth .         

 

Shostakovich .

               

Little Intro Bio .

Twenty five years ago I kind of knew I fancied guys I also fancied girls but my attraction to guys felt much stronger . I knew my family were extremely homophobic and back then I did not know anybody who was openely gay as this was the nineties . 

I made the sacrifice of repressing my sexuality not even dating girls because I did not think it fare to decieve a girl when I was full of confusion and anxiety . I did not want to bring shame onto my family 's doorstep or community by ' coming  out ' as gay so I played somebody I was not for many years little did I know all of this repression would come back and bite me with a vengance . The only person who was hurting through all of this was me .  The rest you can read for yourself  . 

Do me a huge favour guys .

Hi guys - It goes without saying that we definetly need more tolerance and empathy within the LGBT+ Community . I wrote my memoir because I wanted to show homophobic people what people like me go through on an everyday basis . I wanted homophobic people to step into my shoes and live my life while reading my memoir to have empathy with me . I am not saying people are not entitled to their opinions and I am not even trying to change people homophobia has always been there and it always will be but I guess I am trying to ask people to maybe have some empathy with their strong homophobic beliefs and keep the homophobia behind closed doors and away from the ears of people like me . It's not too much to ask is it . I don't ask for much in life honestly . 

My favour - Please guys would you promote my memoir and my website on Facebook as I need as many people as possible to read my story as I want to promote tolerance and empathy in a world that can be very cruel and judgemental . I would truly appreciate it .  

You can find me and follow me on facebook Twitter , Instagram just look up Julian Black and my book Cover Logo .

I am a rare bird .

I have suffered in my life for being painfully quiet and withdrawn , different to other people , Isolated , Afraid , Shy , Scared , afraid to bond , Petrified of my own shadow , Afraid to let go , No life experience , No sexual experience , Timid , Afraid to let go of my routine , Absolutely scared of my sexuality , Petrified of authority figures , Petrified of people who have rage and tempers , petrified of life in general . People around me have naturally picked up on my difference in all my places of employment and social events which have been very few and far between . I am an Introvert and a rare bird and I have been laughed at and mocked and left out of lots of things because of it including ambitions in the work place where I have faded out in the background . As you can Imagine it has hurt and cut deep within me because I consider myself a nice guy in fact too nice for my own good and I have been stamped over by extroverts and people with huge ego's when I have gone out of my way to keep people happy simply because I always felt that I must be liked by everybody but being humiliated in the process . Life can be very cruel to people like me who struggle with life in general but I like myself and I like who I am and who cares if I am a rare bird because I am me and I can clean my teeth and look in the mirror and say ' I like being me ' . I am also going to like being me for the next fourty years hopefully .    

Welcome to my website about my writing and creative work

Julian Black

 

I am an author of gay fiction and I have just published my memoir: I Was Screaming Inside but Nobody Could Hear Me; Now the World Listens

Available from Amazon in Paperback and Kindle.

Thank you so much for looking at my site where I am really showcasing my memoir.  I want as many people as possible to read this because my story, I feel, is one which a lot of people can relate to on so many levels, both physically and psychologically and be given assurance that you are certainly not alone. I thought I was the only person going through all this anxiety and tension and because of my isolation and driven fear, I had nobody I could talk to and it was a lonely life. I just could not connect with the world and I felt completely alone. Speaking to my GP was my start point and then I went into counselling. From there I looked into private therapy, then I went back to my GP for antidepressants. From there I sought out organisations and individual groups of people to try and help me understand my anxieties and fears of my environment and surroundings. I was willing to go anywhere and do anything to try and make myself a more confident person and to get some understanding of where all this driven fear had its origins. With age comes a little wisdom and I have survived this painful life. My writing has also been my lifeline and I have been able to escape my painful world through my creativity. I thank God for this talent which I was born with and found I could develop. I wanted to share my life with the world because fear took over my life; they really were terrifying times for me and I will never forget that fear but I was determined to help myself and understand myself even if it took all my money and I had to walk 1000 miles to get there. My memoir is about understanding our fears and hidden emotions and what can go on inside us that nobody else can see but we can certainly feel. I hope my journey to reaching a better understanding of myself can be a guide to you out there and I hope it can somehow be of help and support to the world by promoting tolerance, forgiveness and understanding. All we need to do - and this is our starting block -  is simply to ask for help .  

Just to let you know guys my tie in to my memoir is ' coming out ' next month . It truly is something very different .

This is now how the back cover will read . I feel it is better for the story .

All of my books are available on Amazon and other sites, both in paperback and Kindle. Please follow this link for more details: https://amazon.co.uk/s/ref=dpbylinesrebooks1?ie=UTF8&text=julian+Black&search-alias=digital-text&field-author=julian+Black&sort=relevancerank  

I hope they are as much joy for you to read as they were for me when I was writing them.  I guess you could call them something a little different but filled with emotion and humanity, which is something we can all relate to.   

Don't be too hard on family and friends. Sometimes they just find difference very scary and hard to cope with. Give them time... after all, time is all we have. 

Thank You for taking the time to Listen

Please leave some comments and feedback about my work on Amazon; I would really appreciate it. Good luck out there, the world over.  Together we can make this world a far more humane place to live in. 

My next book, with a paranormal twist, is being published very soon. In Going Back Twenty-five Years I talk about being able to go back in time and re-living my youth, making myself a far more confident person in a much more humane environment and happier surroundings. Through my creativity, I feel I have given a pretty accurate picture of what my life could have been like growing up and the person I might have become. I have merely turned my negatives into positives and transitioned from a painfully shy to a far more confident person.

I think we all wonder what we might change and who we might be today could we go back in time and change the life we were given. It has been a tonic for me.  Available on Amazon very soon .  

A non repressed and extroverted me .

Here is the cover for my new book coming soon it has been liberating for me to write about myself as a person with no fear in my life and to live my life as a natural progression and to have so much fun. Great I have been able to experience this if only through my character in my book .  A real tonic for me as you can Imagine . 

Remember, all we have to do is ask for HELP. It is the starting block to understanding ourselves and one day overcoming our obstacles in life. It takes a lot of time and a lot of effort but it can make us much better human beings in the long run. 

One in seven of us suffer from Social anxiety . Tough experiences in childhood can paralyse us as adults .

Turning Fourty and Fear Fading .

I turn fourty years of age this year in the year 2018 and I still have my virginity . I am sharing this with the world because this is what fear can do to the human body and mind the human condition . Some people call it very sad and some people say I have mastered constraint beyond measure . I just had so much fear in my life both Physically and Psychologically that sex and attachment both physical and emotional was out of the question for me  . 

The Closet community does not normally talk about the closet community hence ' The Closet ' . But maybe through the arts we can open the doors on the closet and let people in and show them what it's like . BE WARNED YOU MIGHT FEEL A BIT TRAPPED IN THERE .

There's Always the Sun .

I have written a Screenplay about a young man who grows up with no confidence or self esteem , or self worth . He suffers from Anxiety and on top of all of this he has problems with his sexuality . He comes from a small town and he is petrified of his surroundings and his own family . Bigotry and Homophobia is rife within his community and Inner family and while my characters family are very extroverted my character is the complete opposite being very introverted and very much a loner  . My character spends his youth and his twenties and thirties living in fear and while his own family suspect him of being a homosexual they still very much voice their opinions of their bigotry towards the homosexual community  . A very Ocean deep insight into driven fear and how driven fear can take control of a person's life so much to the point that they can forget who they are and live a life that is not their own .

Any Hollywood directors out there or Screenwriters or Studio's that might be Interested in such a screenplay please get in touch  .

I am looking forward to the Film 'Love , Simon ' at last we have a gay themed film where anybody can go along and watch this movie wheather your LGBTQ or Straight you can go along and sit there and have total  empathy with the character . I think more straight people should go out and watch this movie to see the emotional hardships LGBTQ people have to go through when they decide to ' Come out ' . We need more films like this to get ' Empathy ' across . How would straight people feel if they had to ' come out ' as straight . Get the Picture .  

 

    

Oscar Wilde - The happy Prince .

I am looking forward to  Rupert Everett's  film ' The happy prince ' out next month and his take on Oscar Wilde  . I am sure the film will almost certainly look at how society treated two men who loved each other back then and the progress that we now have  for Homosexuality  . It goes without saying that we have a long way to go for homosexuality to be treated in society around the globe just like hetrosexuality but films like ' The happy prince ' certainly shows us how progress has been made since the life and times of the great Oscar Wilde . Great stuff Rupert . 

Harvey Milk 40th Anniversary .

I am a huge fan of Harvey Milk and he is of course a huge Inspiration to me . Harvey was so brave to tell the world that they should not have to go into the closet but to be proud of who you are and stand with your head high . Harvey loved Humanity and he has led the way for so much Progress in the LGBTQ Community .

We can never stop people going into the closet harvey closetry will always be there never mind what progress has been made and the future progress for the LGBTQ Community . But what we can do through the Arts and through Literature is talk about the closet and bring it out into the open for discussion for people to have empathy with LGBTQ people who are petrified to be who they are because of their environments and surroundings and Inner Demons .  By Achieving this we can together make our world much more Humane and Understanding .

Rest in Peace Harvey we love you . There is still a long way to go but if you are looking down on us I am sure you are full of pride of the LGBTQ Community and the progress the world has made over the past fourty years . We will never forget you and what you started .      

 

To be straight is a non debate . ( what if the shoe was on the other foot ) .

Straight people live in fear Of 'coming Out ' as Straight .

I am working on another screenplay it's a Science Fiction movie blended with a gay theme but this time the world is Homosexual and the straight people of the world are not allowed to be straight . The straight's have to fight for their rights to be heared as they wish to live amongst the homosexuals as equals . The Homosexual politicians and the homosexual law do all they can to stop straight people having rights but the straights fight back with all their force until the homosexual world have no choice but to hear and listen to what the straight people have to say  . 

I have loved working on this script . 

 

Fear

A Distressing emotion aroused by Impending danger , evil , pain , etc , Whether the threat is real or Imagined ; the feeling or condition of being afraid . 

Me , the Ouija Board , and my Ancient " friend " .

A story of good Vs Evil .

I wrote a story about two years ago which I have yet to get published but I am hoping to publish it some time this year . It is a horror Psychological story about a young man who lives alone and is a total loner to his community and work colleagues . He is and always have had problems with his sexuality which he has nobody he can talk to about it . He is a Closted Homosexual and his lifestyle and wellbeing living as a hermit and recluse and deemed by others as a strange person really gets him down and frustrated . One day he decides to clean out his attic to make another room when he comes across a very old Ouija Board . The young man believes in higher and darker forces going on in our universe but even though he is petrified of the Ouija board he plays with it and because of his belief in it he decides to use it to contact an ancient roman slave who in his time had problems being a gay man . The young man believes that his " friend " can help him with his sexuality in today's times . The young man does communicate through the Ouija board and at first he truly believes he has contacted a roman slave who can help him . As time goes on and the communication between the young man and the Ouija board gets more and more Intense the young man comes to realise that what he has been communicating with is pure evil and the evil wants to invade the young man's body and soul to live in this world to hurt other's . What follows is a truly disturbing and Bizare world for the young man as he gets possessed and trapped in his own body by the highest evil of them all the devil himself . 

I honestly lost sleep myself writing this and as I was writing it in my kitchen I was always looking over my shoulder  . Creepy stuff  .

Here is the cover of my new book. Yours to possess soon .

I am pretty sure I was a roman slave in my last life with all the shit Jobs I have had over the years .

It would be nice to swap from using a hoover for a living for the Hollywood dream factory .

I often wonder how my life would change if I went from a cleaner to Hollywood .

Life and freedom .

It's so very difficult to leave behind the pretend person whom you have spent most of your life living and then going on to be the real you . The real you is freedom but it's also very frightening . 

Cover for my book : ' Going back twenty five years with a paranormal twist .'

I will very shortly be putting on my website the cover for my new book to tie in with my memoir : ' Going back twenty five years with a paranormal twist ' . I love this cover and I hope when the book comes out that you will agree after reading my memoir that had my surroundings and environments been different growing up my life could have gone the way I have written it in 'Going back twenty five years' .  I truly believe we are the products in adult life to our nurturing growing up  and I wanted to write a story of  proof of that in my case . It's Original . 

My new book being dropped onto you very soon . You'll love it ! .

An Updated version of Nicky A bit of a wet rag . Coming out Soon .

My thoughts as I walk the streets .

Very often as I walk the streets I think where does homosexuality really come from and why does it choose the people it does .

Short time on Planet Earth .

It's very selfish of us in a way because we have a limited time on planet earth and we should be who we want to be and we should allow ourselves to be happy while we are here but when our emotions and feelings take over these black and white views life becomes a battle field and we miss out on a huge chunk of our lives until hopefully wisdom takes over . 

The Fourty year old virgin .

My balloon of fear .

Well guys in just one month's time I will be the fourty year old virgin . How many people do you know that can say that .  I guess this just show's the power that 'fear ' can have over a person's life . The movie was very funny but my life has been anything but funny in fact it has been just negative pain  .

Fourty in one month and I am still here .

Yes I am slowing down now .

Well fourty is just around the corner for me and here I am still a member of Planet earth . I never thought I would have survived this long as I have found life extremely difficult and planet earth has been very overwhelming for me and suffocating . When a person cannot connect with life and decides to hide away from life then the world can seem very cruel and painful . Well life is still tough for me it's tough for all of us but I no longer am petrified of the world as I once was and I now feel more in control of my life instead of fear driving me along as it did for Twenty five years of my life  . I guess the old saying is true ' with age comes wisdom ' . I have wasted a lot of years because fear took control of me but I feel all the trauma I have been through has just made me a stronger person and I never thought I would say this but life in my fourties looks good . I still have too hang on very tight and see what happens . 

The Year was 1978 .

Well the year was 1978 when I was born onto Planet earth . Two people a man and a woman got together and through reproduction I was made and came out of my mother's womb as a little human being with blood and bones inside me . It's strange to think that in the next fourty years I will more than probably no longer be here and those blood and bones will be ashes and nothing more . I really don't know what to say about Planet earth I guess human life is a mystery to us all . I do know one thing for sure I never want to come back to Planet earth once my natural time is up . I hope I get to understand the secret of Planet earth and why we are born onto it and the true meaning of it all in death . I hope once I am told the secret I will say ' oh I get it ' . 

Inheriting Rage .

Did you know rage and temper can be inherited from family members who had short tempers and rage within them . In my lifetime I have experienced a lot of rage and temper just within my own family circle and I remember older members of my family having very short tempers and this has obviously been passed down within my family blood . It has taken me almost fourty years to start defending myself and to find some assertiveness in my life . It does feel good when defending myself and standing up for myself just happens naturally for me . Other people do not like the new me but then they wouldn't because they are so used to seeing me as a wet rag . I still have my timidness of course but I am getting a little wiser just with age . At long last I hear you say . 

I hate Authority .

I am not a huge fan of authority figures because to me they are laws unto themselves and it is not do what I do but do what I tell you plus some of them are on huge amounts of money . I could never be an authority figure it would be far too painful for me because of my personal experiences with them . 

Walking Past a gay venue .

This is me panicking when I have to walk past a very busy gay venue during the summer months . I guess the fear never really goes away . 

Walking past openely gay guys .

Me walking around my city .

I very often go into my city and I see gay guys left , right and centre and I stop and stare and I wonder how do they live as openely gay guys and where do they get the courage from ? . I then carry on walking until I see another gay person and I stop and stare and I think the same thing all over again . As you can Imagine I do a lot of stopping and staring in my city . 

Introverts / extroverts .

An Extrovert .

It has been very difficult growing up in a family and community that has been very extroverted . Extroverted people obviously find me very strange and odd . I have stood out for being an introvert and I have also been very Jelous and envious of extroverted people . I have found personally that being in the company of extroverted people has made me fade out into the background even more because I find extroverted people very overwhelming . I have suffered and missed out on so many things for being an Introvert but that's just who I am wheather it be through nature or nurture .

Planet Earth .

A stressful and overwhelming place .

Why is Planet earth such a stressful and overwhelming place to live the majority of the time ? . Why does it do it's very best to test us and drive us over the edge ? . What did we ever do as human beings to deserve this ? .  Maybe the old saying is very true life is not fare but then again why is life not fare ? . 

12.00 Midnight .

Well guys here we have it come 12.00 Midnight I will be officially a fourty year old virgin that is what driven fear has done to me . Also this is probably going to be over the next fourty years the last of my years on Planet Earth . Through my natural death I will have my ticket off Planet earth and never will I return . 

Here's to the next 40 years .

Share our stories through the Arts .

The Arts is a wonderful way to share our stories and hopefully by sharing our stories we can get people to step into our shoes and have empathy . Insight into how different we all are as human beings is a wonderful thing . It is also wonderful therapy and a release for the person writing their story . 

Turning our stories into books and films can help so many people .

It would be my dream come true to have some if any Involvement in the movie Industry .

Chemistry follows me where ever I go .

Why is it that where ever I go to work there is always openely gay guys that I have chemistry with and this starts my nerves going because they become a threat to me and I always personally feel jelous of them but on the other hand I feel guilty because I could experience love and friendship and the openely gay guys obviously know I am not being true to myself . Where does gaydar come from ? and why does it follow me around ? and why does it affect my nerves ? . 

Oh No not gaydar again .

I love the Lyrics of Sara Bareilles song ' brave ' it certainly captures my life .

I love the song by Judy Boucher ' Can't be with you tonight ' . It reminds me of leaving the big city and going back to my small town .

I had a dream last night or more of a nightmare that I was covered all over my body by the Pride flag but the flag was on fire .

I watched a stunning film last night called ' A ghost story ' it made me think how we can feel just as Isolated and lonley in death as we can when we are alive .

I love the new video by the ' pet shop boys ' This must be the place 2018 . Friedrich and Albrecht .

Now I shout it from the higest hills even told the golden dafodils . I love this song sung by doris day in Calamity Jane .

I love the Documentary Film ' Bridegroom ' 2013 . To find your soul mate and then lose them to death is a tragic story and at such a young age .

I have recently seen the movie ' The miseducation of Cameron post ' and I could certainly relate to being repressed of my human needs . Dr Lydia Marsh in the movie reminded me of ' Nurse Ratched ' from One flew over the cuckoo's nest . Again people like this totally believe they are doing good work . This was just 1993 how far we have come since then .

If Gore Vidal can have a house in the Hollywood Hills why can't I .